Someone Check on Me, Please

Days like today make me want to eat a lot of glass. Seriously. Over the past few months, life has been really good. My kids are doing great, my dogs love me, my wife is happy with her new Kindle. I love my job.

But this whole sports fan thing? Gotta go. Eliminate the negatives, someone said at some seminar I attended years ago. A shrink-y kind of thing that had "wellness" in the title, which should have been a tip-off right there.

Dude was right on that, though. Eliminate the negatives.

Getting my heart ripped out twice in one day is two more times than I should ever tolerate. I realize the Skins don't matter to me on the same level as the Nats but still. After the ninth-inning epic implosion, I needed something to cheer me up. The Skins moving to 2-0 (with one of them over the Cowboys) would do the trick.

So how did that work out for me? Can you grind glass in a blender? My coffee grinder? Should I chew it or swallow it whole?

I knew the Nats were in trouble when the booth kept raving about the great job the bullpen had been doing. It's true, sure, but let's not do the SI cover thing on it.

Three outs to get, three runs ahead, I thought this was gold even in the Phillies' junior-sized ballpark. Save for The Chief's magic in Anaheim that night during the magical first half of 2005, Sean Burnett's escape act today ranks as one of the better relief efforts in Nats' history. Clippard is back on his game, so it seems.

One inning, three outs to go. Turn it over to the new, young closer.

Still three outs to go. Maybe I should just take out the hammer and beat down the glass that way?

My wife put down her Kindle long enough to watch the last couple of innings. She had a couple of good questions:

*If Clippard really does have his act together again, why not let him go one more and finish? Well that's why you have closers. The whole Clip and Save thing that was so much fun (was that really THIS season)? Now you have Clip and Store. Have to let your closer finish. Maybe I could just eat one of the wine glasses. They're fine crystal, very thin.

*Is Storen really the closer of the future? As much as Zimmermann and Maya (who was OK today, I'll give him that) are the anchors of the rotation until Jee-SUS gets back. Maybe I should mix the glass into some mashed potatoes.

*Is Jayson Werth one of the GEICO cavemen? I swear, when he was jumping around after hitting that thing out, with that beard and that hair, you could make a damn good case for this one. His uniform didn't say "Rounders" - maybe he got traded. I shouldn't mock the guy. I think he's a hell of a player and I have this fleeting hope he'll be the Nats' right fielder next year. I'll call him Mr. Pretty then.

OK, off to fix "dinner." Maybe a little Glass Under Glass, with a side of Asparaglass.