My father-in-law had a simple answer for my son when asked how he kept all his women straight. He didn't try to remember their names. He just called all of them honey.
Perhaps MLB.com ought to take the same approach with season-ticket holders.
Anyone else named Shawn out there?
For those not on those magical mailing lists, the Nats sent out an e-mail to us lucky fools who repeatedly give up their hard-earned cash to watch 100-loss teams. We can renew, we can get points, we can get upgrades. The usual "please come back" blather.
I read it without thinking too much about it. Still have no idea if I'll renew any of my tickets, let alone all four.
Then came the apology e-mail. Oops. It's MLB.com's fault. We had the wrong name on there. You are not Shawn. You are Mike.
Yeah, I knew that much. I never even noticed the "Shawn" thing until they pointed it out. So I went back and looked. Sure enough, they called me Shawn. That's the thanks I get for the 1,000s of bucks I spent seeing nine victories in 30-some appearances? Shawn? I look like a Shawn to you?
I'm so offended I just can't stand it. Good thing one of my favorite people in the world is named Shawn, else I'd be really steamed.
OK, so I'm kidding a little. You can call me Bob, Fred, Bill, George or Diane if you'd just stop losing 100 games every year and stop closing the Slice Down the Lines on the upper concourse. You can call me Jackass, Bubblebutt, Tubby, Baldie or Stinky if you'd somehow manage to put a better product on the field.
Those computer programs that personalize everything are cool, aren't they? Until they don't work. But let's draw attention to our flies being down by sending out another e-mail that says, "Hey, our fly is down."
Call us all Shawn. I can't imagine too many people really care. Just stop losing all the time. That'll go a longer way toward getting me to renew than remembering I'm actually Mike.