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Thursday, July 2, 2009

Wheeling and dealing (at home)

Life at the Harris pad is nothing if not a thrill a minute. We roll hard, particularly since my son returned. Last night was a perfect example. Allow me to allow you to share in the rip-roaring, out-of-control fun we have around here.

By the time evening rolled around, my team had already played and lost. My alternate team had already played and lost, blowing a lead in Nats-like fashion. My son's team was playing but was not on TV. So we did the only other thing we could do.

We found another game to watch.

Giants-Cardinals was on and we chuckled at walking Pujols with one already on and only one out in the first inning. The guy inspires the type of fear that makes you really stupid.

"What," my son asked, "would you trade for Pujols?"

How 'bout everybody? The whole system. All of them. No? Well, my serious answer was this: Any three players with some qualifications. No two players whose last name starts with the same letter. Can't lose Zim and Zim. Can't lose Dunn and Detwiler. Also, no two players whose combined HR total is more than Pujols. Can't lose both Dunn and RZim. And if Flores is one of the three, a catcher has to come back. My son said basically the same thing for his beloved Braves.

From there, we moved on to another of our games. I told you we roll hard here. We play make-a-trade between the Braves and the Nationals. He pulls for the Nats when the Braves aren't playing. I pull for the Braves when the Nats aren't playing. So we do this under the guise of trying to help the other guy out, too. It doesn't always work that way.

Some of our proposals from last night, proposer in parentheses:

*(me) Kearns for Francouer. Straight up. Little s.o.b just laughed at me. The nerve. This is a GREAT deal. A change of scenery thing. Kearns can play in Francouer's league when it comes to an arm and we all know he's about to bust out at any time. That's why Manny keeps sending him out there. I'm still hurt he didn't like this one.

*(him). Dunn for Kotchmann and Schaefer. I actually like this one but now that Nyjer is our main man in center, I don't see where it fits. I suppose Nyjer could go to left and Schaefer could go to center. It's the catch everything, don't hit a lick outfield. The kid loves Dunn so he's down.

*(me) Johnson for Johnson. And one. The Nats would have to get a prospect in return, too. Preferably an arm. I suggested Hanson. He was not amused. Otherwise, he liked the deal.

*(me) Johnson and Guzman for Jurjjens and Escobar. We'd risk another head case and take Escobar off his hands. Again, the little ingrate scoffs. All I'm trying to do is help.

*(me) McCann and McLouth for anyone whose last name ENDS with Z. Think of the haul. Gonzalez. Hernandez. Tavarez. They'd get help all over the field. He flipped me the bird.

*(him) Anyone whose last name BEGINS with Z for Hudson, Jones and Garret Anderson. Well, the Nats DO seem to be in a young-for-old mode. I still told him no.

*(me) Bard for Ross. YES, YES, YES he screamed. Dump a backup catcher who strikes fear into no one *** WAIT WAIT WAIT he screamed. Too late. Deal is done. Plus, Bard's been hot lately. A great deal for them.

*(him) Moylan for Tavarez. Hell yes. Right now. Moylan wouldn't have to worry about Zimmerman taking him deep anymore.

*(me) Dukes for McLouth. Straight up, a young CF for another young CF. He flipped me the bird with BOTH HANDS. Might be time for him to find another place to live.

*(him) Z-double-nn for Hudson. No thanks. Another six-letter last name that beings with "H" and I may consider this one. Even then, probably not.

He'd agree to just about everything if I threw in Willie, his favorite Nat. He still likes Belliard but not enough to take him in a variety of proposals. He also loves Roger Bernadina for some reason but not enough to give up Escobar straight up.

We'll continue this through the weekend I'm sure. Stop by for updates or to offer your suggestions. We're in 245 on Friday, 309 on Saturday and 315 on Sunday. Also, be sure to cast your eyes toward those sections if Z-single-n hits a home run. My Son The Braves Fan and Virginia Tech graduate will stand up and sing the U.Va. fight song loud and proud. I'd like to hear it about four times this weekend.

*(him) "Zimmerman for any one player you want, just so I don't have to sing that damn song again." Hmmmm. What one player do I want? I'll have to get back to him on that.


Sean Hogan said...

I'll be sure to stop by and say hey on Sunday, my first game of the year! I'm in 226U, wherever that is.

Anonymous said...

It would take Z and Z, plus the next 5 yrs of Nat's #1 draft picks, plus about $100 million to pry Albert away from StL willingly. Or you can wait until after the 2010 season is over and offer him $1,000,000,000 for 10 yrs.

MikeHarris said...

Hmmm. So Dunn straight up won't do it?